He Who is Without Sin

I can’t recall ever meeting Edward (Eddy) Bowen in church, let alone having had a conversation with him. Sadly Eddy, a fellow member of Northreach Baptist Church (formerly Townsville District Baptist Church) died on 7th June after battling stomach cancer for almost two years.

Eddy and his family thought that he had won the battle, but on 1st March they were informed that the cancer was back in force, and that he had three months to live. In his dying days Eddy produced the Order of Service for his own funeral.

I didn’t know anything about Eddy, but from what I have read of his poetry I know now that he was obviously a deeply spiritual man. I also know that he must have had a great sense of humour, and possibly enjoyed the Toy Story series of movies. This became apparent to me when I read the front cover of his Order of Service, where he quoted Buzz Lightyear by stating (among other things) - 1^stApril 1947 to Infinity and Beyond.

Now there was a man who knew exactly where he was going, without a shadow of a doubt.

In the time leading up to his death, Eddy put together a book of his poetry titled Reflections on a Christian Walk. This book consists of a number of poems he had written over the years, and whilst on a visit to the church office recently I was loaned a copy to read, and eventually was given a copy by Eddy’s widow Val, whose permission I sought to publish a couple of Eddy’s poems.

One of these poems in particular which really struck a chord with me was the following, the background to which can be found in John 8:1-11.

 HARLOT

 Harlot, adulteress, caught in the very act;

 

 

 

 

 

Eddy Bowen 8/6/09

There is no doubt about it. I have looked at all the compelling evidence before me, and in spite of giving my life to Christ in 1994 I stand (?) before you a self-confessed sinner through and through, most likely on a daily basis.

Oh! Not ‘big sins’ like the murderous adulterer King David (from whose blood line Jesus was born), but guilty of sin nonetheless. Just ‘little sins’ like frustration, vindictiveness, impatience, intolerance, anger, presumptuousness… the list goes on.

I guess it is more correct to say that these are ‘unchristlike characteristics’ as opposed to sins, but often it is not so much the feeling or expressing of these failings that can be sinful, but our reaction to them.

But to say you are only guilty of 'little sins' is like saying you are only ‘a little bit pregnant’ - there is no such thing. You are either pregnant or not, in the same way as you are either a sinner or not, and as Jesus is the only sinless person to ever walk this earth I am obviously in bad company, and plenty of it.

Let me backtrack a couple of decades.

When I was flying helicopters on ambulance and search and rescue missions, I thrived on the job satisfaction of using my skills as a pilot to save lives and reduce pain and suffering. At that time I couldn’t think of a better job in the world, and when my flying career came to an unexpected end in 1999 I am on record as saying:

With a grand total of 6,065 hours my flying career was brought to an abrupt and untimely end. I console myself with the fact that there are many people walking the streets today who may very well have lost their lives or limbs if not for the rapid intervention of myself and the numerous crews I have had the pleasure of flying with over the years. (With Wings as Eagles, Chapter 4, The Michael Geuder Affair).

(This end to my flying career was obviously part of a much greater plan for my life. For within the next two years I had met and married Suzanne and we had had moved to Hong Kong. From here we embarked on a spiritual journey together which included orphanage work in mainland China; establishing our Wings As Eagles ministry; meeting and fostering Deborah; and using other God-given skills to save spiritual lives through Jesus Christ, rather than physical lives through my flying.)

However, during my 20+ year flying career my family always came a poor second place to my insatiable desire to fly, and when I began the downward spiral into depression I was forced to take a long hard look at myself. Sadly, I felt I had no real redeeming qualities to balance against the unsavoury aspects of my personality, and this only served to exacerbate my looming depression leading to my eventual bipolar diagnosis.

Unfortunately, since giving my life to Christ I still possess many of these same obnoxious characteristics which permeated my life before that time. But like the apostle Paul I have accepted that I have been given “…a thorn in my flesh to torment me” and “…three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away” (2 Corinthians 12:7-8).

It frustrates and disappoints me that my dealings with people – family, friends, strangers – are not always in accordance with a good Christian walk. But I have also accepted that even through my underlying bipolar condition, God still uses me in spite of my imperfections to achieve His will, and to bring people to know Him through my writings.

I am not perfect and, like everyone else, I am never going to be perfect. From the Preface to With Wings as Eagles:

Ray Dousset

Posted 27Jul11